I Can't Get It Up for McGovern Anymore

I don’t know if I have the energy to be a liberal anymore. I don’t even know if I have the energy to be a moderate.

Below is a list of the politicians and organizations who have emailed me over the past 3 days (and today’s only ½ way done) pleading for money and begging for action:

1. People for the American Way
2. Human Rights Campaign
3. BarackObama.com
4. NY.BarackObama.com
5. Bill Clinton
6. MoveOn.org
7. POTUS himself
8. Joe Biden
9. Food & Water Watch
10. Kristen Gillebrand for Senate
11. Rep. Anthony Weiner on behalf of the DCCC

With my limited (or nonexisting) disposable income, where does my $10 go? It’s like choosing among 100 abandoned kittens at an animal shelter. You just wind up crying.

I was hardly a red diaper baby, but my mom had McGovern for President bumper stickers up in the mudroom, and she boycotted grapes and lettuce. When I was in 6^th grade she called the school to insist we watch Carter’s inauguration, and later I wrote a letter to Amy (our cats had the same name).

Silly child, I voted for Mondale, and thought he would win. A woman vice-president! Could it be? My college friends and I went to a Geraldine Ferrara rally, and were thrilled to see Susan Sarandon scuttle by us on the street afterward.

Foolish girl, I voted for Dukakis, and thought he would win. A Jewish first lady! How about that?

Then Bill Clinton, thank God, Bill Clinton! I registered voters, I phone banked till late at night from the office of the UFT in Downtown Brooklyn. I finally voted for a winner. I dreamt about him, even! Not exactly sexual, but sort of sexy. He and another woman and I were spooning – Bill in the middle, natch – on a bed below deck of a yacht. And when he disappointed, I stayed forever, dumbly, true.

A lull next: Gore irritated; Kerry enervated.

But OH! With O we were BACK, baby. My friend Judy and I rode a bus to Philly and canvassed for hours in German Town, making notes on our clipboards when one of our addresses represented a boarded-up house, or one that no longer existed.

When I gathered some mom friends for a monthly night out, I demanded that everyone come with $10 in hand that I would collect and mail in to the campaign. I brought buttons and we all wore them in the bar.

I sent money, and then I sent more money.

And holy shit, holy fucking shit, he did it, we did it. And I rejoiced.

Fast forward to midterm elections and I’ve run out of steam. I can’t take in all those kittens!

I haven’t unsubscribed to any of those emails, but now they go directly to my gmail archive, where they’re a little easier to ignore. The email lists I want to get on? Citizens for Indifference, Americans Advocating Apathy, Join Together to Disengage! I won’t though, I know it. I’m trying to think of a good metaphor for us glutton-for-punishment liberals – maybe Wile E. Coyote? Something or someone cartoonish and elastic. Squish us with an Acme anvil, and we spring back into shape so we can be comically kicked in the face by a kangaroo wearing boxing gloves.

C'mon, up and at 'em before they declare a K.O.