Something for the Fellas: A Mother's Lament Expressed in Sports Metaphors

Jeff/Husband/Dad is due home tonight.  He's on deck, he's warming up in the bullpen.

So bench me, Coach. Send me to the showers, Ump. Throw me in the penalty box, Ref. PUT ME ON THE D.L. -- I have a fake doctor's note! I don't want to play anymore!

And for you dudes who prefer Boomerang Network to the Yankee channel, JANE, GET ME OFF THIS CRAZY THING!